5 strategies for nurturing self-esteem in teens during challenging times

When navigating teenage years, school life can sometimes be a challenging journey, especially with the added pressures of smartphones and social media. At Royal Hospital School, we’ve taken a holistic approach to support wellbeing through five pillars: Academic, Social, Emotional, Physical, and Spiritual. Through these pillars, pupils can be supported to thrive both inside and outside the classroom.

Nowadays, the role of school staff extends far beyond traditional academic instruction. Teachers, house staff, matrons, and support teams are pivotal in guiding pupils through their formative years, helping them build self-esteem and self-confidence. By teaching practical tips and modelling positive behaviours, pupils are equipped with lifelong skills that support their wellbeing.

Here are five strategies which schools can implement to improve pupils’ self-esteem and help them thrive.

Celebrating Success

Taking the time to regularly recognise and celebrate achievements, whether academic, sporting, or personal, can significantly boost a pupil’s confidence and sense of self-worth. This culture of celebration should be embedded in daily life in the school community (if not already); from senior leaders, including a dedicated Pastoral Deputy Head, to house parents, matrons, tutors, teachers, and support staff – everyone plays a vital role in acknowledging success and offering encouragement.

For example, at RHS, we celebrate achievements through whole-school assemblies, house meetings, social media highlights, and reward systems; recognising and rewarding academic excellence, sporting accomplishments, and positive behaviour.

This consistent and inclusive approach reinforces a growth mindset, nurtures self-esteem, and motivates pupils to continue striving toward their goals.

Teaching and Modelling Kindness and Acceptance

Another key part of self-esteem for young pupils is modelling kindness and how we treat ourselves. Teaching pupils to practise self-compassion and acceptance is essential in helping them develop resilience, a positive self-image and protection against negative self-talk. Commitment to modelling these values and ensuring pupils have access to support helps them thrive.

Fostering kindness can be developed through staff interactions that emphasise empathy, respect, and inclusion. For example, a fully equipped Health Centre staffed with trained nurses and counsellors, a Pupil Welfare Assistant who can offer a listening ear and practical guidance and/or House staff who can create a safe, nurturing environment are all great strategies to put in place.

By embedding kindness into our culture and providing professional emotional support, pupils are helped to internalise these values, not only in how they treat others, but in how they view and care for themselves.

Two students in uniform sit on a sofa, smiling and talking with a woman in a patterned dress and navy cardigan. They are in a cozy, softly lit room with decorative string lights on the wall behind them.

Three primary school children in navy jumpers with school crests walk together and smile outdoors. A red-brick school building with large white windows is in the background.

A teenage girl and boy sit on a blue sofa, smiling and talking to an adult whose back is to the camera. The setting is informal, with a grey wall and a colourful cushion in the background.

Embracing Setbacks as Opportunities for Growth

Understanding that setbacks are a natural, and essential, part of both learning and life is another key element to helping pupils and their self-esteem. Coaching pupils to reframe failure not as a defeat, but as a valuable opportunity for growth, helps them develop and recover from setbacks. By emphasising that mistakes are part of the learning process, pupils develop a more resilient mindset and a healthier relationship with challenge.

At RHS, for example, our peer mentor system is key to this approach. Pupils often feel more comfortable discussing their struggles with someone their own age who can relate to their experiences. Peer mentors offer peer-to-peer support from trained, empathetic listeners, which creates a safe space to share challenges and gain perspective and encouragement to reflect, learn, and keep trying.

This supportive network helps pupils build emotional resilience, maintain self-esteem, and develop the confidence to persevere academically and personally.

Setting Achievable Goals and Tracking Progress

Helping pupils to set realistic and purposeful goals is essential for building confidence, resilience and a sense of direction. Structured support is also key, ensuring pupils feel empowered and encouraged throughout their educational journey.

Goal setting, coaching and progress tracking can be developed through one-on-one sessions with a Pupil Welfare Assistant, who can offer a listening ear and practical guidance, including regular check-ins with academic and pastoral staff to review progress and adjust goals as needed and teaching and modelling effective coping strategies such as time management.

By celebrating small wins and reinforcing consistent effort, pupils experience success incrementally. This approach not only supports academic growth but also nurtures a positive self-image and emotional wellbeing.

Five teenagers sit at an outdoor wooden table, laughing and talking in the sunshine. A red-brick school building is visible in the background, with white-framed windows catching the light.

A group of teenagers socialise in a shared kitchen. Four girls sit around a wooden dining table with mugs and a plate of cookies, while others stand or sit near the counter and appliances. The kitchen has wood flooring, neutral walls, and a large window letting in natural light.

A group of students in school uniforms gather around a small table playing chess. One student is making a move while the others watch and engage, seated in a lounge area with brick walls and soft lighting.

Encouraging Participation and Belonging

Community participation is also key to fostering a sense of belonging, purpose, and self-esteem. By promoting involvement in a wide range of activities that allow pupils to explore their interests, showcase their talents, and connect with others in meaningful ways, a culture of belonging naturally develops.

For example, we offer an array of co-curricular and academic pursuits to support wellbeing and promote belonging, including:

Physical: Midweek sports, fitness clubs, climbing, and golf
Social: Drama, debating, Esports, music ensembles, social events, and special themed days
Spiritual: Chapel services, community outreach, pupil voice forums, and diversity and inclusion committees

Thinking creatively and inclusively about the opportunities available ensures every pupil can find a space where they feel confident, valued, and inspired to contribute and serve others. Pupils often come from a variety of faith backgrounds, and it is key that their spiritual needs are met and celebrated in a diverse environment. These experiences not only enhance wellbeing but also help pupils develop a strong sense of identity and community.

Secondary education should be committed to nurturing the whole child. By embedding the five pillars of wellbeing into every aspect of school life, an environment where pupils feel supported, valued, and empowered to become their best selves is created, where they can thrive.

Naomi Skau and Marianne Eales are Houseparents and Deputy Designated Safeguarding Leads at Royal Hospital School. Naomi is also a Teacher of PSHE and Marianne is also a Pupil Welfare Assistant at the school.

Smiling woman with glasses and a blue scarf, wearing a red dress and yellow cardigan, standing in front of a leafy green background.

Woman with straight brown hair and a striped black-and-white top, smiling and standing outdoors with dense green foliage in the background.

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